One week ago today, I turned 36. I used to LOVE my birthday. It was the one day I didn’t have to do the dishes or take out the trash and I got to eat all my favorite foods. As of last week, however, birthdays are losing their luster.
Now, birthdays are about the quick passage of time. This is something I have always struggled with, especially since becoming a parent. There is magic in the day-to-day. Amazing growth and learning happens constantly. Yet, when I look back over the last 2.75 years, I can only remember snippets. I have to look back at this blog or look in the journal I keep for my boy to remember more.
I want to remember it all, to soak in the sweetness of this little person (especially before adolescence makes an appearance). Tonight, we were in a car with three college students. M had picked out some silly bands to give to them and spent the better part of our twenty-minute car ride doling them out. He made sure everyone had several in different colors and shapes. When we dropped them off at their dorms and the car was empty except for us, he said with big eyes, “Where did they go? I have more presents for they.”
Besides being so cute I could eat him, I learn from these moments and from my son. I learn about selfless giving. I learn about finding joy around every corner. I learn about connection and communion. I learn about myself and who I want to be through him.
Now that my birthday has passed and I have spent a few days settling into this downhill slide to 40, I am trying to be wide open to all of the possibilities. I have a tattoo on my left forearm that is a reminder of this. It is called the spiral of potential energy. To me, it is a reminder that within each moment lies an opportunity for transformation if I am just open to it. Tonight, I am open.