When someone pisses me off, it is my natural inclination to gather as much space between us and to not talk to them until I am not angry anymore. Being in a relationship of 16+ years, I learned along the way to sometimes make allowances, especially if your partner gets clingy when you are mad at her. Still, I like to run away and hide.
Since M was born, I have fought against that part of my nature. I want to be able to show M that you can talk about your feelings and that you don’t have to run away from a confrontation. Tonight, however, really tested me. M told me he doesn’t love me. He followed that up with telling me I should go live in another house. It wasn’t just once, but several times over the period of an hour. I told him he was hurting my feelings and that it wasn’t nice to say that to me. He didn’t care. He decided he loves Ima and not me.
I understand that he is a kid with very little reasoning ability, but the stay-at-home mom part of me was pretty furious about this statement. If it wasn’t for me, my kid would be naked and so full of carbs (S can make toast and cereal) and his sheets would never be changed. This is not ragging on S. She does lots of things to make our family work, but she doesn’t do those things.
I think it is really only when you become a parent that you truly appreciate the people who raised you. They didn’t always get it right, as we won’t. We will probably tell our kids they can’t go to a concert or date that guy or ride a bike without a helmet. There will be days when our kids can’t stand us and we, them. But when the day comes that they are able to truly appreciate all that we have done for them, that will be a marvelous day.
Until then, I will continue to bathe and feed and clothe my child, regardless of where he tells me I should live. I will try to not run away and will try to understand his developmental stage. But when he goes to bed, like tonight, I might take some of the sting of his comments away with a big glass of wine or some chocolate, even if I have to run to the store to get it.