I am exhausted. Yesterday, I was too exhausted to write. My kid wakes up a lot at night, I work out early in the morning, and then there was yesterday. The end of the Defense of Marriage Act. Yesterday was utterly exhausting. Beyond exhaustion, it was an emotionally mixed day. While the historic ruling was a great big step towards full marriage equality in this country, there is so much further to go.
Many straight people I am Facebook friends with posted about how excited they are for our family or how yesterday was a day to celebrate. Really, I just felt angry. Angry at everyone. The end of DOMA takes my marriage from being completely invisible to being partially visible. That is not a great victory for my family. I still don’t know what it will mean for us and that makes me angry. I feel angry that I have to choose between being close to our families or living in one of the 13 states where our legal Massachusetts wedding would be recognized. Either or.
So now, we could move back to Massachusetts, away from our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews. If we chose to do that, we would have a fully recognized marriage. Or, we can stay here in North Carolina, become eligible for some federal benefits of marriage and be invisible to the state. That is our choice. I feel angry.
I know yesterday was momentous. I am happy for all the couples in this country who will now be able to be fully recognized. But as the sun sets today, I still feel angry. That’s just where I am.