I am exhausted.  Yesterday, I was too exhausted to write.  My kid wakes up a lot at night, I work out early in the morning, and then there was yesterday.  The end of the Defense of Marriage Act.  Yesterday was utterly exhausting.  Beyond exhaustion, it was an emotionally mixed day.  While the historic ruling was a great big step towards full marriage equality in this country, there is so much further to go.

Many straight people I am Facebook friends with posted about how excited they are for our family or how yesterday was a day to celebrate.  Really, I just felt angry.  Angry at everyone.  The end of DOMA takes my marriage from being completely invisible to being partially visible.  That is not a great victory for my family.  I still don’t know what it will mean for us and that makes me angry.  I feel angry that I have to choose between being close to our families or living in one of the 13 states where our legal Massachusetts wedding would be recognized.  Either or. 

So now, we could move back to Massachusetts, away from our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews.  If we chose to do that, we would have a fully recognized marriage.  Or, we can stay here in North Carolina, become eligible for some federal benefits of marriage and be invisible to the state.  That is our choice.  I feel angry.

I know yesterday was momentous.  I am happy for all the couples in this country who will now be able to be fully recognized.  But as the sun sets today, I still feel angry.  That’s just where I am.



5 responses to “Exhausted

  1. I respect your anger. Especially living here in GA where gay marriage is both illegal and unconstitutional. I’m trying to think of something profound or inspiring or hopeful and it’s just not coming. So I’ll just send you my love and support and hope that’s enough.

  2. Martha Christensen

    Here in New Mexico, the ruling has given my niece and her partner hope that immigration will allow them to be together, as one is a Mexican citizen. They plan to be legally married in New York.

  3. I am continually surprised at straight allies’ lack of knowledge of our situation. One time a good friend a coworker told me that we should go to Hawaii to get married. I informed her that we could not get married in Hawaii! She seemed shocked. I tried to remedy the situation by quizzing coworkers on which states I can marry in. I laughed out loud at outlandish answers.

    What are your morning workouts and how in the world do you have the motivation?

    • chickandlittle

      I go to a workout/weight lifting class 3x week and run 4x a week. Trying to relive my jock days! The motivation is that it keeps me sane (well…mostly). If I don’t exercise, I have the patience of a two year old.

  4. Yes, that makes two of us. The DOMA outcomes will finally allow me to be covered under my partner’s insurance, but our state still doesn’t allow or recognize gay marriages. And in an even more twisted middle finger flash to LGBT couples, the state laws require us to legally disown all next of kin to ensure we are each other’s beneficiaries. That doesn’t even touch on the impossibility of second parent adoption/guardianship/”hey, I’m mom too!” Progress, but too slow and not enough. :/

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