The Supreme Court of the United States. That is what is on my mind tonight. I spent an hour from 9:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. with a rapid heartbeat and sweaty palms as I and millions of other Americans awaited two Supreme Court decisions that could have a huge impact on the lives of LGBTQ folks all across this country. Waited and waited and waited and…nothing. They are poised to make rulings about the constitutionality of marriage equality in the state of California and the denying of federal benefits to couples who are legally married in one of the 12 states and the District of Columbia. (For you legal folks, I know I WAY oversimplified what the rulings are about. But that is the best I can do.)
I have spent today reflecting on what it means for me to be married and what the possible outcomes could mean for my family. For the past 9+ years, S and I have navigated marriage well. There are ups and downs, as with any relationship, but we are strong together. We negotiate the minutiae of daily living and spend many hours together laughing and enjoying the company of each other and our amazing boy. (Right now, in fact, he is playing his kazoo along to Some Nights by Fun.)
As we think about adding another child to the family, I am constantly reminded of the fact that, regardless of how much my family is like that of my straight friends’, we are unequal. If we are able to have another child, we will have to spend thousands of dollars to ensure that I have health care power of attorney over the child in case something happens to S in childbirth. Otherwise, I would have no recourse to make any medical decisions for MY child. In the state where we live, I will have to sue S for joint custody which is the closest I can come to having a legal relationship to MY child.
I know that many of you know all these things. That is just what is on my mind tonight. Watching, waiting, wondering and looking forward to the day when people stop fucking debating about my rights.
PS. Now M is naked and dancing to Frank Sinatra, Old New York. There is a little can-can thing going on. S is dancing with a giant sock monkey. Really, what is there to debate?