Reflecting on Father’s Day in a Fatherless Household

— First, dear readers, hello again. Sorry I have been gone so long (this is Charlotte).  I continue to be dealing with some challenging health issues which has been forcing me to go to bed early, which usually is my writing time with working full-time and parenting.  I will share when I can.  I like sharing and hearing from you in this space.–

Ok, so where was I?  Yes, Father’s Day.  That was yesterday.  A “holiday” I kept on forgetting about on and off throughout the day.  My omission was not because my dad is not meaningful to me, we’re actually really close, but more because he doesn’t live near me and there isn’t a father in our household with us two mamas at the helm.  Yesterday was also a social day for us.  We saw several friends, all of whom have kids, and some of whom were celebrating their own queer version of Father’s Day.  I appreciated hearing their stories about the day and what it meant for them and their families.

Towards the end of the day I reflected on what Father’s Day might be like for my daughter, as she gets older, with not having a dad to honor.  She has three, sort of even four, grandfathers who perhaps she will laud with cards and affection.  She has uncles (both blood-related and friends who play an especially meaningful role in her life) who maybe will get some fanfare on this day as our way of reclaiming the day and imbuing our own meaning into it.  Maybe that will be enough.  She has my butchy spouse, who as it turns out, is so much of a MAMA she makes me look more like the daddy in the house.  It’s a bit of a circus of curiosity and possibility. 

I have friends who don’t have fathers or who have have/had troublesome relationships with theirs and I know this day can be painful for them.  I’d like to think it won’t be hard for her. That we’ll provide enough love and support and hold up non-heterosexual models of families as just as viable an option that it will just roll off her back as something she doesn’t celebrate with her family (at least not in the traditional sense), but that isn’t a big deal.  I suppose only time will tell.

– Charlotte


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