His Face

M is starting to look like S.  His face is lengthening and his smile is more reminiscent of her than me now.  There has been great comfort in the fact that people often think I gave birth to him, that his blond hair came from my mother’s side.  I am a little conflicted about him starting to look like her.  When we are together, are people going to see a perfect marriage of our genetics or are they just going to notice how his eyes don’t look like mine at all?  Maybe both?

I am assuming the questions from strangers will ensue, “Does he look like his dad?”  Which leads to me answering and cringing a little while I wait for their response.   But really, who knows?  Maybe he will go through this short phase of looking like her and then start looking like me again.

When I told S that he is starting to look like her, her face lit up.  I think there is a part of her that thinks she earned it by gestating him and pushing him out of her vagina.  I would have to agree on those points.  Part of me is excited for her because I know how important it was to her to have a biological child.  The similarities in appearance are just a tangible example of genetics.  The other part of me is jealous.  Yep.  I said it.  A little jealous.  Not that I would ever want to be pregnant or give birth, but it would be nice to keep up the rouse that I did for just a little longer.

-Betsy

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2 responses to “His Face

  1. It’s really awkward when someone who is not familiar with your family does the stare down, trying to discern exactly “who” your boy “belongs” to. Our son is a spitting image of my partner so there is never a question there, the issue for most people is, where do I fit in that mix? How do you answer or, really, not answer that question without having to go into the whole story every single time? I do not mind sharing our experience but it gets frustrating. No one walks around asking bio moms, where did your son come from…etc.

  2. I’m bio-mom and Punky looks identical to me. She may get more height from her donor, but she definitely looks like me. BUT, she acts like my partner and it’s hilarious. She also goes to my partner for comfort instead of me. I know what it feels like to be jealous, just not for the same reasons.

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