M is starting to look like S. His face is lengthening and his smile is more reminiscent of her than me now. There has been great comfort in the fact that people often think I gave birth to him, that his blond hair came from my mother’s side. I am a little conflicted about him starting to look like her. When we are together, are people going to see a perfect marriage of our genetics or are they just going to notice how his eyes don’t look like mine at all? Maybe both?
I am assuming the questions from strangers will ensue, “Does he look like his dad?” Which leads to me answering and cringing a little while I wait for their response. But really, who knows? Maybe he will go through this short phase of looking like her and then start looking like me again.
When I told S that he is starting to look like her, her face lit up. I think there is a part of her that thinks she earned it by gestating him and pushing him out of her vagina. I would have to agree on those points. Part of me is excited for her because I know how important it was to her to have a biological child. The similarities in appearance are just a tangible example of genetics. The other part of me is jealous. Yep. I said it. A little jealous. Not that I would ever want to be pregnant or give birth, but it would be nice to keep up the rouse that I did for just a little longer.