Sometimes, I feel like the nanny. After S returned from being out of town for a few days, M can’t get enough of her. He wants to nurse and snuggle on her to no end. Right now, he is sick. He came down with an instant cold after playing in the rain for an hour yesterday. All he wants is S. He woke up from his nap every twenty minutes today, sobbing for Ima. He would flail his arms about and squeak out through the ears, “No Mama. Go away. Ima! Ima!” He knew full well that she was at work. He just knew he wanted her more than me.
This is the part of being a non-gestational parent that is tough. He gets something from her that he can never get from me and I can’t help but think that came from being in her womb. He gets a lot from me. I know that. But there are just some intangibles that I can’t replicate. It is hardest when he is sick or hurts himself and wants her and not me. In those moments, it doesn’t matter that I am home with him day after day, wiping his butt, making him food, teaching him fun things. He just wants her.
When I think about the important people in my life, I know that I get things from each of them that the others might not be able to give me. I love them all just the same. I am hoping this is what goes on with M. He loves me deeply, but sometimes he just wants her. I get it. And it still hurts.