Ok, queers. Get your shit together. Here is a story that really makes me mad: Back in 2005, after things had gone south in their relationship, two women in North Carolina went to court over who should receive custody of the child they conceived together. This child was being raised jointly by both mothers. The non-gestational mother was granted a second-parent adoption (back before it became illegal as a result of this court case). When the gestational parent decided that she was more well suited to mother the child, she took the non-gestational mother to court saying that she never should have been granted a second-parent adoption in the first place. The case went to the NC Supreme Court which sided for the gestational mother, negating the non-gestational mother’s adoption of the child. She was granted joint custody with limited rights to see the child. Whoopie. WHY DO WE DO THIS TO EACH OTHER?
I know several cases involving lesbians where one gave birth to their child[ren] and once the relationship dissolves, the gestational mother decides she is more of a mother than the other. BULLSHIT. I have heard bonding used as a reason for this. Sure, a baby may bond with its gestational mother first, especially if breast-feeding is involved. But there is SO much more to parenting than breast-feeding. What about caring for the breast-feeding mother? Changing diapers? Feeding the adults? Cleaning the house? Rocking? Shushing? Walking? Shared sleep deprivation? I could go on.
Gestational mothers pulling this shit makes me really angry. Not only do I feel angry for what they are doing to the non-gestational parent, but I feel angry for what they do to the queer movement. Recognition of our families is vital for our children to grow up feeling seen and respected. When they pull this, gestational mothers are saying, “I am really the mother. Not her.” Fuck you very much.
My kid didn’t come out of my vagina and he hasn’t ever suckled at my breast, but I am his real mother too. 100%. Try to prove different.