“No, you can’t ask me how ‘we’ (meaning lesbians) get pregnant,” is what I should have said.  I am so tired of people asking me that questions.  As if the intimate details of my child’s conception is public domain.  Have I EVER asked a straight woman how she got pregnant?

“Were you trying or not trying?”
“Did you use a condom? Did the condom break?”
“Where were you when you got pregnant? On the floor? In the bed?”
“Missionary position or were you on your knees?”
“Did it hurt or did you like it?”

Instead, I said, “No, I don’t mind if you ask.”  But I do.  I really, really do mind if you ask.  I don’t mind if you are queer and are doing research for your own process, but if you are straight and especially if you don’t know me very well, IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS how my son was conceived.  If you are so fucking curious about how two women could possibly get pregnant, Google it.

(Sorry I said fuck so much.  It is a great word that feels appropriate tonight.)


4 responses to “Intrusion

  1. I can relate, although I’m not in the same situation. We have twins, and everyone wants to know “did they or didn’t they?” One drunken woman at a wedding reception got hostile when I wouldn’t discuss it. Most people start with a soft probe, “Do twins run in your family?” Or, more strangely, “Did you plan to have twins?” (I do know of one couple who planned to have twins (using donor eggs), but for most people it’s a byproduct of getting pregnant – by whatever means – you can’t plan for it. But they meant, “Did you do in vitro?”) The majority of people who do in vitro end up with a singleton pregnancy but never get asked this question. (Just like (most) hetero couples don’t have to explain how they got their baby.) I can’t blame people for being curious – I am, too – but the question opens up all sorts of intimate details that are really just too intimate for a casual discussion with a stranger or acquaintance – and people should realize that.

  2. I love the word fuck. Hehehehe. And I would never ask those questions, but would be rather amused if someone asked them to me… but that’s a totally different conversation. You should carry pamphlets to hand out. Hehehe… or make a shirt that says, “no you may not ask and yes it is offensive.”
    Or ya know…tell ’em to fuck off. 😉

  3. You are definitely not alone in this. I have been resolved to the fact that the question will be asked, so I just let it roll off my shoulders now. But, I totally get what you are upset about, the question is freaking annoying and quite intrusive.

  4. I am a very private person, so I am trying to view people’s inquiries into how my wife and I are trying to start a family as my contribution to some sort of social progress. The ways in which two women start a family is not a part of most people’s day-to-day experience or understanding, so I am assuming an educator role in the hope that one day it will become common knowledge. It helps me to withstand the awkward questions and provide thorough, honest answers to think that someday, expectant gay parents will not have to explain to people how they got pregnant, because chances are the family member/co-worker/acquaintance will already have a pretty good idea how it happened. That’s what helps me, but I feel your pain.

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