I have been waiting for it to happen. Thought a lot about what I would say and how I might react. Maybe I have even rehearsed a little in the shower when no one else was listening. Today, someone made a comment about M’s ‘mom and dad’ in front of him.
The funny thing was, the person who made the comment (though her memory is faulty) has met me at least five times over the last months and knew me by name and face about 15 years ago. While she might not remember all things about me, she should remember my very queerness. She works in a local bookstore that I frequent (where I am also known for winning a contest there not too long ago). Small, independent bookstore with a cafe. Got it?
So, I am there with M. She walks over and I say, “Hi, Veronica*.” She smiles at me and says hello to M, not even a glimmer of recognition.
“You are so cute! What is your name?”
“M,” he replies.
“That is such a nice name,” she follows-up. “Your mom and dad named you well!”
Without missing a beat, I say with a smile, “He doesn’t have a dad.”
“Oh. I mean your mom, then.”
“He has two moms.”
“Oh. I guess I should start saying ‘parents’.”
And that was the end of it. We have trained M to know that he has “two mamas” and that he does not have a dad. I look forward to him being a little older and being able to quickly verbalize this reality. I think it will be fun to watch people’s reactions. Is that so wrong?
I am pretty sure that this won’t be the last time someone makes a comment about his ‘dad’. I often wait for it when people remark about how tall he is or his beautiful blue-gray eyes. “Does he get that from his father?” I expect, though it has never happened.
When I think about what I want to give my son, I think about resiliency. I want to raise a resilient child who is able to deal with a multitude of situations and people. I guess this is just the beginning.