It Finally Happened

I have been waiting for it to happen.  Thought a lot about what I would say and how I might react.  Maybe I have even rehearsed a little in the shower when no one else was listening.  Today, someone made a comment about M’s ‘mom and dad’ in front of him.

The funny thing was, the person who made the comment (though her memory is faulty) has met me at least five times over the last months and knew me by name and face about 15 years ago.  While she might not remember all things about me, she should remember my very queerness.  She works in a local bookstore that I frequent (where I am also known for winning a contest there not too long ago).  Small, independent bookstore with a cafe.  Got it?

So, I am there with M.  She walks over and I say, “Hi, Veronica*.”  She smiles at me and says hello to M, not even a glimmer of recognition.

“You are so cute!  What is your name?”
“M,” he replies.
“That is such a nice name,” she follows-up.  “Your mom and dad named you well!”

Without missing a beat, I say with a smile, “He doesn’t have a dad.”

“Oh.  I mean your mom, then.”
“He has two moms.”
“Oh.  I guess I should start saying ‘parents’.”

And that was the end of it.  We have trained M to know that he has “two mamas” and that he does not have a dad.  I look forward to him being a little older and being able to quickly verbalize this reality.  I think it will be fun to watch people’s reactions.  Is that so wrong?

I am pretty sure that this won’t be the last time someone makes a comment about his ‘dad’.  I often wait for it when people remark about how tall he is or his beautiful blue-gray eyes.  “Does he get that from his father?” I expect, though it has never happened.

When I think about what I want to give my son, I think about resiliency.  I want to raise a resilient child who is able to deal with a multitude of situations and people.  I guess this is just the beginning.

-Betsy

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2 responses to “It Finally Happened

  1. That’s so great, and I think that the asker’s reply about “parents” was nicely neutral (comparing to what other it might have been…!) I wanna teach that same thing to my kid later! That he/she has two moms and she lives with her two moms. We’re not, at the moment, sure how much our donor will meet the kid in the future (will it be like once or twice a year, cause he has 3yo daughter anyway already), but at the same time, when our kid gets older, we’d like him/her to know who his bio-dad is, even though he has no obligations or rights to meet the child. So it’s all up to us.

  2. This is an awesome post and you handled it very nicely! I admit, I am still worried about what people will say when she gets older. I have this one woman at work who has seen a picture of the donor and she always says, “She looks like her daddy.” *eyeroll* It irritates me to know end, I am still navigating my way around how to respond to that. So, reading this makes me hopeful for future encounters!

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