Flying Solo: Day Five

And…she’s home!  And…I have been exiled from my boy’s room as he prepares for sleep.  I have mixed emotions about S coming home.  While I am SO glad to see her and to have help, I am sad to fall back into the patterns that relegate me to second fiddle when S is home.  It feels like a loss in some ways.  M and I have had such an amazing time (minus the sleep trouble) that the reintroduction of another person is sure to cause some upset.  I know I am writing like she has been deployed overseas for months and not an eight-hour drive away for five days.  Somehow, the length of time she was gone seems multiplied.  It must be the sleep deprivation that makes it feel like three weeks.

I feel a little like I am hovering since she has been home (all 3 hours): Oh, this is how we read books at night now; I rock him much longer than that now; He doesn’t like that anymore.  I guess I feel a little territorial and that I did not expect.  It was an adjustment to have her gone and I guess will be an adjustment to have her back.

Right now, M is singing Brother John (“Are you sweeping? Bruver Chong?”) and I know S is patting his back.  Part of me hopes he calls out for me to be the one who can soother him to sleep.  But the other part of me thinks I might use this as an opportunity to catch up with my trashy magazines or the Bachelor.  Maybe both.  At the same time.  Ah yes, now I am sure it is good to have her home.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.


4 responses to “Flying Solo: Day Five

  1. hey, I’m really glad I’ve found your blog–I admire your honesty. If (lots of ambivalence) my partner and I have a kid, I will also be the non-gestational parent, and I’d likely do more of the stay-at-home parenting as well. So thanks for this; I’ll keep reading for sure! -eli.

    • I am glad you find us too, Eli! Thanks for reading and sharing!
      PS. How ya been the last…gulp…13 years?

  2. We’re old! Pretty great these days. Seattle for about 10 years, now in durham with my lovely partner & our many pets. I’m also social working/therapisting/case managing. yep!

  3. Congrats for making it through and ouch about the relegation to 2nd parent status 😦

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