Flying Solo: Day Five

And…she’s home!  And…I have been exiled from my boy’s room as he prepares for sleep.  I have mixed emotions about S coming home.  While I am SO glad to see her and to have help, I am sad to fall back into the patterns that relegate me to second fiddle when S is home.  It feels like a loss in some ways.  M and I have had such an amazing time (minus the sleep trouble) that the reintroduction of another person is sure to cause some upset.  I know I am writing like she has been deployed overseas for months and not an eight-hour drive away for five days.  Somehow, the length of time she was gone seems multiplied.  It must be the sleep deprivation that makes it feel like three weeks.

I feel a little like I am hovering since she has been home (all 3 hours): Oh, this is how we read books at night now; I rock him much longer than that now; He doesn’t like that anymore.  I guess I feel a little territorial and that I did not expect.  It was an adjustment to have her gone and I guess will be an adjustment to have her back.

Right now, M is singing Brother John (“Are you sweeping? Bruver Chong?”) and I know S is patting his back.  Part of me hopes he calls out for me to be the one who can soother him to sleep.  But the other part of me thinks I might use this as an opportunity to catch up with my trashy magazines or the Bachelor.  Maybe both.  At the same time.  Ah yes, now I am sure it is good to have her home.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.
-Betsy

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4 responses to “Flying Solo: Day Five

  1. hey, I’m really glad I’ve found your blog–I admire your honesty. If (lots of ambivalence) my partner and I have a kid, I will also be the non-gestational parent, and I’d likely do more of the stay-at-home parenting as well. So thanks for this; I’ll keep reading for sure! -eli.

    • I am glad you find us too, Eli! Thanks for reading and sharing!
      -Betsy
      PS. How ya been the last…gulp…13 years?

  2. We’re old! Pretty great these days. Seattle for about 10 years, now in durham with my lovely partner & our many pets. I’m also social working/therapisting/case managing. yep!

  3. Congrats for making it through and ouch about the relegation to 2nd parent status 😦

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