I feel a bit ridiculous even writing about my brush with single parenthood. I have a close friend who really is in it on her own. She just moved across the country to the town I live in with her superb five year old daughter. I am constantly amazed at her ability to navigate all that comes with being a parent without another person to rely on for those much needed breaks. I think I would melt or have a breakdown if I didn’t have someone else to help me with the constant negotiation that is toddlerhood.
But here I am, for four days. This morning (at the ass-crack of dawn) as S was preparing to depart, I was a mess. Practically sobbing as I fixed her coffee in the travel mug that is supposed to be mine, I chalked it up to the constant sleep deprivation. I was just talking with a friend and decided that, really, I am co-dependent. Not like I can’t live without S. I could. Life would be boring, but I could. More like she is my favorite person to be around besides my boy. So, here I am tears streaming down my face and M is happily eating his toast.
We have talked about this trip. He knows that Ima will be gone for a few days and he is getting some special Mama time. Now, when he wakes in the morning and wants to nurse, will I be enough? Will this be the end of nursing all together? Will we make it unscathed?
My prediction: Days One and Two will be great. No problems. Then come Day Three, he might start to realize that it has been a couple days since he saw S. Days Four and Five, not quite as smooth.
Thanks for reading and being there. Strange that this cyber community offers me some comfort.